When You Can't Hide It Anymore

I used to be really good at hiding things.  Anxiety.  Stress.  But now?  That's all out the window.  I can hide it no more.

The Protrusion

Last week, I woke up to this:

Freaky, right?!  I've had a muscle protrusion on the right side of my jaw for awhile, but it was not painful or visually noticeable.  These last few days, it's been both.

A call to the nurse practitioner confirmed what I already suspected: this protrusion is stress-induced.  She informed me that it is probably due to clenching my jaw in my sleep and recommended that I get a mouth guard, apply moist heat, massage the muscle if it wasn't too painful and destress.

I'm sorry, DESTRESS?!  How am I supposed to do that?!

The Problem

I love staying home with our four little kids.  That fact doesn't change, however, that the very nature of this life stage brings unavoidable stress.  Caring for all of these little people.  Trying to make sure they are safe, clothed, fed, and emotionally/socially/spiritually healthy.  No guaranteed rest or sleep or break.  The continuous house clutter.  The constant yo-yo between harmony and chaos.  Feeding the baby while the toddler tries to kiss her and the preschooler cries loudly at my feet and the first grader continuously taps my knee to get my attention so we can have a conversation about his new Star Wars Angry Birds library book.

Throw in homeschooling. anxiety, trying to sell a rental house, and mounting medical bills from my pregnancy and Flora's birth...and you have a recipe for tremendously high stress.  The kind that lodges itself in the pit of your stomach and clouds your thinking.

This isn't the first time I've been told to destress by a medical professional.  And I've tried, I really have.  We attempt to only do one event in a day.  I exercise and eat (mostly) healthy food.  I read books for fun.  Sometimes I color.  I no longer work outside the home.  I have an incredible support system in Jeremy, family and friends.  I'm a big fan of getting enough sleep.  I write when I can.  But somehow, this time, it isn't enough.  Adding this fourth baby on top of other life events is proving to be challenging.  I did pretty well at first, I think.  But these last few weeks, my stress level has sky rocketed.  And now it's visually noticeable that all is not well.

The Point

My point is this: why should I hide in the first place?  Life this side of heaven will never be perfect, so why pretend like it can be?  I'm learning that life is too short to be inauthentic in the relationships God created us for.

The Plan

Wear the mouth guard.  Massage the muscle.  Apply heat.  Stretch.  Breathe deeply.  Keep exercising and reading and paring down on activities.  Focus on Jesus and what is true and noble and right.  And come out of hiding by sharing the reality of life with others.


Is hiding behind "perfection" something that you have dealt with, too?  Have you ever been in a situation where you could no longer hide?  I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!