When You Are Overwhelmed

Thank you all for your continued prayers after my last post about the stress-induced muscle protrusion on my jaw.  I am so grateful to have the support system that I do!  The swelling and pain have gone down dramatically, and I continue to work on reducing stress. 

As I alluded to in my last post, we have had a lot going on in our lives.  Setbacks with selling the rental house.  Medical bills.  Health insurance.  Adding and adjusting to (read: sleep deprivation) a fourth baby.  Managing four kids 6 and under.  Homeschooling.  Meals.  Cleaning the house.

The overall stress of life has been overwhelming at times.

I've had to figure out some Game-Changers (defined as "a simple new tool or new habit [that] can make what once felt difficult instead seem effortless" in this article) to reduce the overwhelm.  Here is a sampling of what I've done.

When You Can't Hide It Anymore

I used to be really good at hiding things.  Anxiety.  Stress.  But now?  That's all out the window.  I can hide it no more.

The Protrusion

Last week, I woke up to this:

Freaky, right?!  I've had a muscle protrusion on the right side of my jaw for awhile, but it was not painful or visually noticeable.  These last few days, it's been both.

A call to the nurse practitioner confirmed what I already suspected: this protrusion is stress-induced.  She informed me that it is probably due to clenching my jaw in my sleep and recommended that I get a mouth guard, apply moist heat, massage the muscle if it wasn't too painful and destress.

I'm sorry, DESTRESS?!  How am I supposed to do that?!

The Problem

I love staying home with our four little kids.  That fact doesn't change, however, that the very nature of this life stage brings unavoidable stress.  Caring for all of these little people.  Trying to make sure they are safe, clothed, fed, and emotionally/socially/spiritually healthy.  No guaranteed rest or sleep or break.  The continuous house clutter.  The constant yo-yo between harmony and chaos.  Feeding the baby while the toddler tries to kiss her and the preschooler cries loudly at my feet and the first grader continuously taps my knee to get my attention so we can have a conversation about his new Star Wars Angry Birds library book.

Throw in homeschooling. anxiety, trying to sell a rental house, and mounting medical bills from my pregnancy and Flora's birth...and you have a recipe for tremendously high stress.  The kind that lodges itself in the pit of your stomach and clouds your thinking.

This isn't the first time I've been told to destress by a medical professional.  And I've tried, I really have.  We attempt to only do one event in a day.  I exercise and eat (mostly) healthy food.  I read books for fun.  Sometimes I color.  I no longer work outside the home.  I have an incredible support system in Jeremy, family and friends.  I'm a big fan of getting enough sleep.  I write when I can.  But somehow, this time, it isn't enough.  Adding this fourth baby on top of other life events is proving to be challenging.  I did pretty well at first, I think.  But these last few weeks, my stress level has sky rocketed.  And now it's visually noticeable that all is not well.

The Point

My point is this: why should I hide in the first place?  Life this side of heaven will never be perfect, so why pretend like it can be?  I'm learning that life is too short to be inauthentic in the relationships God created us for.

The Plan

Wear the mouth guard.  Massage the muscle.  Apply heat.  Stretch.  Breathe deeply.  Keep exercising and reading and paring down on activities.  Focus on Jesus and what is true and noble and right.  And come out of hiding by sharing the reality of life with others.


Is hiding behind "perfection" something that you have dealt with, too?  Have you ever been in a situation where you could no longer hide?  I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!

Scope and Sequence - 1st Grade

A new school year has begun!  I've been having fun putting together our curriculum for the year (even though it began as being overwhelming). With kindergarten last year, we focused a lot on reading, math, Classical Conversations and learning through play and everyday life.  And it worked great.  This year I'm taking a bit of a different approach - being more structured and intentional in my planning.  This is mostly out of necessity with having baby #4 being only (almost) 7 weeks old, but I also want to make sure that Micah is being adequately challenged.  I also want to be very sure that he is learning everything he should be learning as a first grader.

My plan is to still use play and everyday life as part of our curriculum, but I also have the following End-of-Year Goals for Micah:

Reading – To read age-appropriate text fluently with 100% comprehension

Writing – To communicate effectively through writing
Math – To understand and apply 1^st grade skills

Classical Conversations  – To actively engage in community and content

Bible – To memorize Scripture and enhance understanding of what is taught at church

Current Events – To increase interest and understanding of our world

The (tentative) outline for our year is posted as a pdf below (to open, click the arrow in the upper right-hand corner).  I'll write more in-depth on each subject later, but for now, here is a high-level overview of our curriculum:

• Reading and Writing - Grade 1 Indiana Academic Standards
• Math - Grade 1 National Council of Teachers of Mathematics Principles, Standards, and Expectations
• Classical Conversations
• Bible - Gospel Project and Awana resources
• Current Events - various activities using our local newspaper through Newspapers in Education 

What are you using for your curriculum this year?

The Due Date Milestone

August 8 was such a far-away date for so long, especially with our difficulties the last several weeks of the pregnancy.  Making it to July 15 before Flora was born was wonderful, and we're incredibly grateful to have made it so far!

Since each of our kids was born early, once their actual due date came, it felt so significant.  Like we had finally made it, even though they had already been here for several days to several weeks.  Our family (okay, me) likes to mark this day with a picture.  We praise God for the health of each of our kids despite their early births.

August 8, 2017 - Flora Marie's due date
Born 3 weeks & 3 days early on July 15, 2017

August 29, 2015 - Josie Grace's due date
Born 12 days early on August 17, 2015

April 30, 2013 - Asher James' due date
Born 6 weeks early on March 19, 2013

February 23, 2011 - Micah Scott's due date
Born 3 weeks & 3 days early on January 30, 2011

She's Here (and Mostly Healthy)!

As I write this, I’m sitting in a place I thought we’d avoided this time around – the NICU.  After being home for a day-and-a-half, we were unexpectedly readmitted to the hospital.  But first things first!

She’s Here!

Flora Marie White was born at 8:45 pm on July 15, 2017 at 36 weeks and 4 days (a “late-term preemie”).  She weighed 7 lb. 4 oz. and was 19.5 inches long.  She had a few small hiccups (low blood sugar and body temperature, slight jaundice, and a need for a little oxygen) due to her early status, but nothing that warranted admission to the NICU.  Overall, things went very smoothly in the hospital – sibling visits, a photo session (thank you, White Ivy Photography!), and she ate like a champ.  We are so, so grateful for this strong little girl.

Jaundice

Flora’s bilirubin count was higher than it should have been when we were discharged from the hospital Monday night.  We were sent back to the hospital Tuesday and Wednesday for blood draws, and the bilirubin results consistently came back higher.

Update - Baby #4 at 33+ weeks!

We are now 32 days - 32 days! - past being admitted to Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee.  Only 24 days to go until July 18 when she will be considered full-term at 37 weeks.  Here is a quick update on where we are:

Baby

The baby has looked healthy throughout this pregnancy, and we thank God for that.  This past week, I had another ultrasound where they got a good look at the baby.  They estimated that the baby weighed 5 lb. 10 oz. (!), and she measured at 35 weeks and 2 days instead of 33 weeks and 1 day.  Such a relief that she is measuring big!  They also checked her diaphragm movement which predicts how well she will breathe once she's born, and that looked great, too.

Me

I've continued to have anywhere from 2 contractions in a day to over 41.  There has been just one day since we were in Nashville that I've had none.  We ended up back in the hospital last night where contractions were about 5 minutes apart. After a shot of Toradol, they slowed down to 7-8 minutes apart and I was released to come home.  We are very thankful that these are only pre-term contractions and not pre-term labor.

Update - Baby #4 at 30+ Weeks

Thank you all for your continued prayers.  Here's an update on our current situation.

Today marks 30 weeks and 2 days gestation - 9 days past when we thought we might deliver in the hospital at 29 weeks.  Every day counts, and we are incredibly thankful to still have the baby growing inside!

Not mentioned in the Last Post

Two things:

1.  The hospital stay at 29 weeks did not happen in Fort Wayne.  We were on vacation to visit family in Nashville, Tennessee.  I was admitted to Vanderbilt University Medical Center, one of the best places to be if this baby was going to be born so early.

2.  While I was receiving the magnesium sulfate medication at Vanderbilt, I got a phone call from my doctor's office letting me know that I had failed my glucose screening test taken a week earlier and would need to be tested further to determine if I had gestational diabetes.

Update - Baby #4 at 29 weeks

Sometimes things feel (and are) so completely outside of our control.  My body started doing things earlier this week that I didn't want it to, and we had a scare that Baby White #4 was coming very early - at 29 weeks instead of full-term (she's due August 8).  We are in the clear for now, thank God, and I am trusting that He is holding all things together.  No matter what happens, even if the baby does end up coming early, or when I don't understand what's happening or things feel like they are falling apart - He is still holding everything together.  Everything - including this tiny baby inside of me and my fragile emotional state when things go differently than I'd hoped.  Here's what happened this week.

Kindergarten: Classical Conversations Memory Work

The Cold War In Kindergarten?  Wait, What?!

Yes.  Micah is learning about the Cold War in Kindergarten.  And the French Revolution and Latin verb tenses and the laws of thermodynamics and how to skip count by 15's.

This may seem a little out of reach for a kindergartner, and it surely doesn't mirror what is happening in kindergarten classrooms all across the country.  It struck me as odd at the beginning, too, but the more I learn about Classical education, the more I appreciate this grammar stage of learning.  Right now Micah is learning grammar (or vocabulary) in 6 different subject areas (History/Timeline, Latin, Science, Geography, English and Math).  In three years, he will study the same content on a much deeper level having already learned relevant terms for each subject.

Ultrasound Pictures: Josie Grace

Babies.  Pregnancy.  Birth.  Life.  All things in which we have very little control.  This is hard for me, because I'm a planner.  Pregnancy always grows my faith in God and His sovereignty over all things because there are so many things that I cannot control.  

For instance, my first two babies were born prematurely - NOT what I had planned!  Once I became pregnant the third time, we were naturally concerned that we may have another preemie baby on the way.  Because of this, I was able to have ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy   Baby Josie ended up being full term (thank God!), so this 4th time around I am back to the normal ultrasound schedule (1 early one, and one around 20 weeks).  It occurred to me yesterday that I could look back through Josie's pictures and have a good idea of where this baby is in development (currently 19 weeks, 5 days):

February 2, 2015: 10 weeks, 2 days (gestational age)

Gratitude in the Chaos

Someone asked me once what the best and worst things about being a mom were.  My answer for both of those questions was the same: the tremendous amount of responsibility involved.  And I don't think it will ever be easy, at least it hasn't been for me so far.  Rewarding?  Definitely.  Easy?  Absolutely not.

Chaos

Here are some of the harder things (followed by gratitude) that we've been dealing with lately with 4 kids in all different stages of development.

Baby (due 8/8/17)

Morning sickness.  This has been my most difficult pregnancy so far, and taking care of three kids on top of dealing with morning sickness has been especially challenging (hence the months it's been since my last post announcing my pregnancy).  I went weeks - weeks - without cooking, and I also gave up on grocery shopping.  And because of not wanting to deal with morning sickness in public with three young kids in tow, we've been home.  A lot.